Calvero The Retired Tramp

No other opportunity

2012-01-27T04:33:00.001+02:00

27-1-2012

With her small palm,
The girl stands calling the clouds,
The rain starts falling.

She greets you, wearing her wet yellow dress

You listen to the voice of the old warriors
In their inevitable loss battle

Then comes the perfect kiss
That you didn’t expect

Immortal beloved

2012-01-18T02:41:00.001+02:00

18-01-2012

The purple colon
Sculpted on her legs
Torne apart in its last third
Her profession doesn’t know love or hate.
At night she walks dreaming of flying trees
And astonished birds

Aleko, The last Gypsy

2011-12-27T19:35:00.000+02:00

27-12-2011

Knights without horses
Wondering in a festive city
Olive green windows painted as they see,
Waiting for it to open,
A thousand moths come out flying.

At the end of the corridor,
A Sufi dancer ,
with one hand reaching out to take from god,
and the other to give to them

The read headed girl

2011-11-26T03:56:00.000+02:00

11-15-2011

The free mermaid
Crawling deep in the lake
Echoing the same old words
On love and death

A girl laughs
In a loud tune
As a soprano singer
Attracting everyone to her with passion

What you see in the mirror
Is what you avoid
You look at yourself
But not for yourself

The silent table

2011-09-21T23:48:00.000+02:00

20-9-2011

When the sun kisses the trees
The comrades salute you with their transparent glasses
To say goodbye to the city that you havent been to

Waiting at the gate
A moment of silence passes
You listen to the voice of your grandmother
Singing to you before sleep
You smile
And leave

Your true self

2011-09-07T22:48:00.000+02:00

6-9-2011

In a glorious festival
We meet on the flowers bridge
Once a year, we throw a tulip
Commemorating the passing of one year
You become happily miserable
The small dreams,
Are what bring us together

The Animals Chant

2011-04-20T03:36:00.001+02:00

20-04-2010

Pigeons’ statues ;
Made of glass;
In take-off position;
As a determined flock

A hunter with his rifle;
Motivated to hunt

The spring winds arrive;
Inflating life in them;
They aggressively fly

The black swan
In the lake, swimming
Recklessly it moves
Voices resound from afar

The owls stand throughout the night
With the sunrise;
They Hoot;
Remembering the names
On the day the forest forgot

The boy who never cried

2011-03-12T23:14:00.002+02:00

12-03-2011

The brave knight
In pride, on top of his horse
He possesses all the characteristics of knighthood
even though he never took out his sword

In an earlier chat
About the hidden beast
That wonders in the closet
I looked at you, dressed in tears
You whisper in my ears:
Everything will be alright

In the following morning,
We were drinking green tea
With a lemon twist
I drew for you blue sky with singing birds
When the knight marched
From behind the trees
Sword-less

The ugly flamenco dancer

2010-11-23T02:00:00.000+02:00

23-11-2010

Standing with the dignity of a dying lioness
She gained some weight on her buttocks
She takes off her head scarf
Tying it around her waist,
In a coordinated tempo, she dances
Spinning in a calculated speed,
Panting heavily and falling
holding her chest tight,
She closes her eyes

Agnus Dei

2010-10-21T03:39:00.000+02:00

21-10-2010

When they don’t smile to marsh music anymore
They have many names that you can call them with
Some are carved on the gravestones

When the skies awaits the human calling
At the time of sunrise
They fly and challenge the falcons
They spit in their eyes

Till their eyes are force to shut

A black corset on the red couch

2010-10-09T19:56:00.000+02:00

9-10-2010

Red trees,
Blossoming in the fall,
Your favorite spot for a photo shoot,

Stumbling when her photo is taken
You strongly laugh
Her face frowns
She smiles then laughs

If we meet,
It’s because of love
Not because of the hate for the other

Pavane for the dead price

2010-09-17T05:30:00.001+03:00

15-9-2010

River floating down the mountain
As a mother crying on her daughter’s wedding

With a drunken man’s passion to sleep
You are thrown on the bed

A lighthouse,
Spinning the light monotonously,
You are kept awake still

When you were young,
The backyard seemed like the great woods
Having “all what you can get” fun,
Till it’s time to sleep

Dancing with the gods

2010-07-14T02:18:00.000+03:00

14-7-2010

You hear her steps
on the cobblestone
in the last 3rd of the night.

You see her from 1000 feet away
Wrapping a silk blue scarf around her hair.

In a glimpse of a moment
Lights lit
I took a picture,
She disappears.
It’s the moment you remember
That you are just a human being

Swimming in still waters

2010-06-26T17:46:00.000+03:00

06/06/2010

Walking with the same pace, in the same spot
avoiding your shadow
Till the sun is lid
forcefully, attracted to fight it
Fight and you shall win
And sometimes defeated

Eventually a chapter ends
continuing to avoid your shadow
Till you change your spot

The Night of counting the years

2010-06-01T01:02:00.000+03:00

31-5-2010

What you don’t see in this world
Is symmetrical faces

From a day spent with the sea salt
Torn lips meet to moisturize

You finish your drink
To be 86’d*

*86’d could mean you have fallen from 86 steps in some bars or could indicate the change of proof in Alcohol from 100% to 86% proof upon the drinker getting intoxicated.

Prelude

2010-05-18T00:09:00.001+03:00

17-5-2010

The flamboyant red color
That attracts a child,

Red bands decorating your shoulder
Celebrating your graduation,

The red suits that adorns your body
You walk naturally
To be hanged by the neck

A return trip by a bus

2010-05-13T01:56:00.002+03:00

12-5-2010

The distilled whiskey
Bleeding by the drop from the bottle,

That thin boy,
Greeting you with a handkerchief
After you depart the bathroom,

What you expect from the other
Is what doesn’t happen,

In some of us,
There is a part of something

Half god
Half men

And all love.

A Forest on the river bank

2010-05-10T23:52:00.003+03:00

10-5-2010

Cover our eyes
So the angels won’t witness our sins

Let’s pray for the Greek gods
So our prayers will feed their mortality

For those who look shamelessly to the ground
Instead of apologizing

The rose remains dead
In the blue vase
With a sound of accordion in the background

The Message

2010-04-07T01:01:00.000+02:00

2.4.2010

crossing her standing legs
on the beach
In a mid overcast day
stung by the cold water
That felt hot
Knowing that she wouldn’t depart her place
Unless carried on her back

On a roof top, downtown, Winter

2010-03-25T01:06:00.001+02:00

23-3-2010
1:30 AM

In a family gathering;
Everyone chitchatting

All what he desires;
Is his friends wife

They all were infected;
By some kind of deafness

Not listening to;
Except what they desire

There are still some beautiful beings;
Who clap for the piano player;
After every piece

It’s not our time to meet yet

2010-03-12T22:53:00.000+02:00

3-8-2010

A girl that can’t bare children
Sitting at the bus station
Waiting for bus 2412
Remembering that day
When we leaned against that tree
In an early morning
Kissing life
While the sun lightens up her freckles
Then she remembered,
Some are beautiful
Some are ugly
And some are in-between

The Green Dress

2010-01-28T05:14:00.000+02:00

15-1-2010

The comfort of the reflected light on a mud colored shirt
Passing through the window

The smell of fresh morning bread;
While lying down in primitive thoughts

Passing by her;
She greets you with her wet hair

Her shy laugh,
That hides the defects;

Dreams die before they rise;
On a day, like this one

The Girl with the brown hair

2010-01-07T21:28:00.001+02:00

28-12-2009
To: Lavinia

When we played together
On the Green Grass
That is washed with rain

That smell
Stemming from the cut-flower
which aroused me to kiss you

childishly, you play
you fall and get grumpy
Then you smile in Fun

I Remembered
Remembered myself
Remembered you

When we sat down in the shade
To enjoy the sun

Self-portrait

2009-12-21T15:39:00.000+02:00

21.12.2009

I was young lad;
A young and beautiful lad;
Dreaming of sensational ecstasy

Pseudo-emotions
And absence from the truth
Leaves were Shattered
From the majestic branches

Got used to life
Because I avoided it

As trees I die slowly
yet I die standing

Life through a lens

2009-12-09T02:34:00.001+02:00

9 \ 12 \ 2009

Hours of waiting
For a trivial request
To achieve a hidden happiness
That you search at morning times

A land to dream of
With a large patio
And in the spirit of childhood
You run towards your bike
Dreaming of flying by it

Sentiments, which had died
in the midst of insomnia
you simply lie down
As your soul was sold

Road to agony

2009-10-12T23:51:00.000+02:00

To: Lavinia

He stood in the balcony
Firmly holding the fence
With his little hand,
That is cuffed with golden bracelet
His head almost reaching the end of the fence
Dreaming of toy land
Quickly his hand grabs the gun
And pulls the trigger

10-10-2009

The Forbidden Colors

2009-09-28T20:43:00.000+02:00

29-09-2009

To this little boy
Who keeps his promises

To that little girl
Who learns how to ride a bike

To the small secrets that we keep

To the dreams
That we see in our eyes

To him, To her

The blonde girl with the white dress

2009-08-29T21:39:00.001+02:00

29-08-2009

Words without meaning
Arouse you to speak them
For their impact on your feelings

The curse of the shining path,
Moving towards it in love
A speedy train is at the end of the tunnel

On the side of the road
Characters laughing in silence

The god of the upcoming time

2009-08-29T21:37:00.001+02:00

12-08-2009

Anger possesses you
With every look
At the old crone

Would love to kill her
With others alike
As they don’t deserve life
To uphold the superman human being
You still are humane though,
Maybe!

Romanian Chant

2009-07-21T02:36:00.000+03:00

21 \ 7 \ 2009

Will drinking the falling rain
Rather than getting wet

Will laugh at their faces
Rather than fear them

On this perfect day

will sit on that couch
whispering
Will love
And walk together on the beach
counting the seagulls
And watch the sunrise

Nobody shall sleep

2009-07-09T01:48:00.000+03:00

9-7-2009
To: SamI

Long branched trees
Bowing to avoid hitting them

On the edge of the well
You slip, to fall inside

Extending your four limbs
The water droplets on the well's wall touched

Light fading outdoors mixed with darkness
You are drifted more inside

I hope you see what I saw
I hope you feel what I felt

You collide
I have lived
Barely co-existed

The cover of my book... Barefoot Inside The Palace

2009-07-06T15:22:00.002+03:00

A picture on a ceramic

2009-05-13T11:27:00.001+03:00

13-5-2009
To: Lavinia

Aspired for light
Passing through a glass
Flirting upon my face

Climbed up a tower
Looking for a breeze

Who would purchase these scattered clippings?
Even if used for wrapping the bread

But truth terrifies me
Doesn’t provoke me to change reality

I don’t want to be that being
The silent being
Silence terrifies me
As it screams out the truth

The life of someone else

2009-02-16T21:36:00.000+02:00

To Alexandra

16 \ 2 \ 2009

Swarm of flying crows
Swirling around the bronze statue
In a static day before the rain

The fire burning in the barrel
Warming a homeless for a few moments before sleep

The pain heretofore
Is just a hot breeze on an autumn day

You will wake up to see the dream once again
Just an illusion
You will be living an illusion
Until it becomes your only truth

On the White Sand

2008-12-16T00:55:00.001+02:00

I the Clown

2008-12-11T18:24:00.000+02:00

11-12-2008

To: Alexandra

The red nose that still bleeds
The pale white face
And the curly wet hair
The frowned eyebrows
And the clown was created
That still wonders Laughing

I can start

2008-12-02T20:32:00.000+02:00

1-12-2008
To: Alexandra

I wake up facing the sun and I turn my back to the moon
The Raucous sounds still Barking in me

I can't control my presence but can control my limits
walking bare feet, my heart is captivated by you still,

Closed eyes still remember.
opened eyes just cant see

An apple looks different from eye to eye.
To enjoy you need none though,

The question is, what do we need them for?
To Blend, to mix and all will go away , anyway.

The Dirge

2008-11-12T03:07:00.001+02:00

To Alexandra
11-12-2008

The Heavens will open its door
For the angels to cry
Carrying its son
Mourning, kyrie eleison
Heavens will close their doors for me
Me, the sinner
Yet I shall not die
I’ll live forever
My stories will be told
Someway, sometime
As I’m life!

The Moon in the middle of the Sky

2008-11-08T21:20:00.001+02:00

Sonata_To Alexandra

2008-10-28T20:47:00.001+02:00

Sonata ( in English)

2008-10-01T22:23:00.000+02:00

To: Alexandra
1/10/2008

I'll never forget the way you looked
At that concert night
It was a Sunday
I heard you laughing
I felt you dreaming
I saw you dancing

I was waiting there, you know where,
Knocking on your door
Longing for an afternoon with you
I recall loosing my way with you
In that night, long time ago

What if I'm there in your dreams?
What if I'll listen to your memories?
Will you feel what I feel?

It is 5 PM
And I'm drunk again
My friend, pouring my drink
Give me one drink 2 remember, two to forget
The last one is strong enough to be the last one
Then I move on

Eroica

2008-09-20T16:45:00.000+02:00

20-9-2008
To: Alexandra

I will open the cage and set my birds free
I won't see my reflection on the water surface
Like a narcissus flower admiring its forbidden love
No, don’t show me my face anymore
I will see her, I will see them
And the revolution will start
Possibly shattering my body
But I was born to be free

The Green Bug of May

2008-08-22T22:11:00.000+03:00

14th May- 21 August 2008

To: Alexandra

******

Day 1, Adham's place

The sunlight entered slowly and warmly into room; he felt it opened his eyes slowly as usual; took a deep breath then another as if he is smelling something and sighed in disgust; he opened the window; turned on "The man I love" by Billy Holiday, then went to the kitchen to prepare coffee and eat anything before lighting a cigarette and as soon as he took a sip from his coffee he lid the cigarette mechanically.

Addressing the cigarette: why do they say that you are harmful? So what? One must always remember the beautiful and small things in his life; even if it was boring and somewhat routine ... Hmmmmm.

He held the pencil, thought for a while then wrote:

The choices we make in our lives determines the juncture which we would go through, therefore blame yourself or bless it; in any case it is you and to you; I mean the decisions and their consequences. He stopped for a moment from writing; took a deep breath from the cigarette in some kind of force; then started writing again.

Do not generate sympathy from the others or unite them around a table and a few seats in a full moon night while having few glasses of wine then start telling your story unless you want to make love to a girl that is questioning her life and regrettably find your story is the one that describes her life or even worse, the story of her dreams!
After she sleeps with you; she will tell you that she has never slept with someone she barely knew; but know my friend you are not Don Joan; you're only a bastard!!!

Talking to himself: No….No….I'll change music; want to listen to absolute music .,he changed it to Rachmaninoff II .. This is better! Then he resumed sleeping again.

*****
At the Café

The old man sat on his usual table, 2 chairs and a coffee table; this is the only spot in this cafe that can be described as dead; Nobody wants to sit there; perhaps because of the association of this spot by the usual visitors and passers alike by the old man's presence; Everyone drew a grim picture of this old man.

The waiter came with his white bright coat holding his drink usual.

Waiter: Here you go Sir.
The old man: Thank you

Before he turned around; he wanted to ask about the reason why the old man always sits in this spot; the young waiter had the feeling of awe that ceased him from asking the old man, he learnt not to interfere with non of his business; perhaps because of sadness in his eyes was stronger than to be touched; he had the courage to finally ask:

The waiter: I want to ask you a question, sir; why do you sit here all the time?

The old man: Did you know that a few years ago; it was easy to find cafes and bars; all these places had the lovers of life as frequent attendance; whether tramps or artists; poor or rich; everyone sang for and to life…..

The waiter (Interrupting): But now there are more cafes than ever! He noticed that he interrupted the old man and looked at the ground in reverence.

The old man took no notice then resumed: the Cafes talking about became fast food restaurants; silly; the ones that I'm talking about, had a tradition; tradition to wear a suit whenever you want to enter; the sense of wild beauty. Did I answer your question?

The waiter: Frankly….No….I mean

The old man in a static revolution: I come to this place as most of cafes and bars turned into shoe shops; I do not know why??? I don’t remember the people being a group of common bare feet peasants who shifted afterwards into group of nobles!

The waiter: I mean, sir; why do you sit precisely in this spot?
The old man: because it is my favorite spot!

The waiter smiled; then went to attend to other requests.

*****
Raef's office

Adham: What do you think?

Raef looked into Adham's eyes a bit then said: Adham; as your publisher and a friend I think you should take some time to rest.

Adham: Why?

Raef took a moment of silence then sighed: I feel that you are starting to lose it; I mean the threads that connects your characters to each other; you write several pages to say one sentence, which is becoming too much; besides; you deliberately add to your characters a large portion of your personality or in some cases they resemble you and this is not necessarily a healthy thing; I mean writer as a writer! I advice you to go to the coast or the countryside; my wife's family owns a villa on the coast…….

Adham: Thank you! I'll go home now; au revoir. He turned his back to him and then walked in military fashion toward the door; opened it, closed in a form of violence.

*****
Raef: haven’t I told you? The coast has its calm noise; you may have moved away from the city, yet despite the wildness of the Sea waves and the sounds of the night; it still helps you calm (raising his voice), is not it, darling?

The wife: Do not worry dinner will be ready within half an hour at most.

Raef laughs: no use, as if you are talking to yourself….(finishes his laugh; then went on: What was I saying? Uh…….I remembered now; Do you read Kazem's Sharef's last play?

Adham : I am still a city person; most people prefer to go to the coastal places and the countryside…..etc. But where the city is; there are human beings; and where the human beings are; you find Lust; sin; tragedy; search for happiness, besides I detest the white C…….

The wife interrupts (with a smile): I knew you needed a refill; as I see your drinks have nearly finished.

Adham: Thank you my dear.

Raef: my dearest; listen to what your friend and mine has to say

The wife: And what that might be?

Adham (shy or perhaps tired of talking): nothing!

Raef (smile): Adham; Do not be shy!

Wife: Adham; you know I do not like procrastination; or go back and forth for nothing. Speak curly head, remember that name? ( Smile)
Adham: Hmmmmmmm; I was talking about happiness and how humans continuously proceed forward; without interruption; whether to rest or to reconsider; till a point they started to live in a continuous illusion with hope in the search for happiness, yet as a matter of fact, only at the beginning, it is just a beautiful illusion, as time goes by, we become boring, the worst part is when humans rush to speak about their happiness, preaching others, take for example…….

Raef (strict manner): You were not talking about this!!

The wife (confusion): dinner will be ready in 5 minutes. Went to the kitchen

Raef: What is wrong with you? You were not talking about this! Being your friend doesn’t mean that you use my personal life in your chit-chats!!!

Adham (irony): that my friend is the penalty for not paying attention to what I say.

Accustomed to hearing this controversy; he changed the subject: Have you read Kazem Sharaf's latest play? I'm accustomed after having finished reading to feel for a few moments that I'm smarter than before; But with this imposter creature; I couldn’t even finish the play!

Adham: Why imposter? Because he writes what he feels in his deep core, because he tries to enlighten us?

Raef: No….No my dear friend; because his writings are full of sick mockery; because he is….why am I even justifying myself? Actually, I will justify myself, because he is preaching us as readers; Let me explain to you; men like this writer; are selfish beings ; trying to follow the footsteps of our early ancestors thus, creating the perfect righteousness, forgetting or pretending to forget that life created them in a completely different environment than others resulting in different customs, habits and traditions thus what might fit in this life is the continuous growth in aptitude and reaching higher spiritual phases and what this creature is calling for, is going through the past paths, unfortunately he doesn’t say it explicitly yet, colors it with a fake political context in his so called political plays, this current trend is called unjustly post-globalization trend and unfortunately again, that is the case of our writers these days!

The wife: Dinner is ready.

*****
The hospital

The old man (Smile): May I have this dance?

The Nurse from a distance: Look at this old man, he wants to dance with an old lady, how pathetic!

Another Nurse: Better than asking us to dance!

The first nurse: what can you say? Middle age crisis!

The woman: But I don’t know how to dance? Besides, there is no music!

The old man (wide smile): does it matter my little one? I don’t know how to dance either, yet, I feel it!

He pulled her towards him firmly but gently, put his left hand in her right hand, crossed there fingers, then started dancing, at first she stumbled, he started directing her: One, two, three, exactly, One,…….

An old man surrounded them, then another and many more; they all started dancing by themselves, and then formed a circle around them, smiling and waving their hands with their imaginary rhythm.
The nurse from a distance: They have all gone mad! This is intolerable! This is a respectful elderly house, not a lunatic asylum!

The other nurse: I'll go get the doctor!
*****
Raef's office, 3 years ago

A girl dismounts stairs in a childhood manner as soon as she reached upstairs, she sees Raef with a client on the phone.

Raef: Hmmmmm….Haven't I told you Mr. Kazem?; the government censors would not agree to publish your book and believe me……….believe me, I am convinced with what you wrote, I even see it as the best book you have written so far and that is why I'm fighting for its publication............of course.

Girls (interrupting): Mr. Raef.....Mr. Raef.....the 3 o'clock appointment has arrived!

Raef (denouncing): Just a second…..can't you see???? I'm on the phone!!! Then he proceeded with the conversation…..I was saying, I am convinced that this is the best thing you wrote; and that is why I'm fighting for its publication…….

Girl: I'm sorry!

Raef: Can't you see? Damn it! The girl went downstairs simmering in tears….I'm sorry Mr. Kazem…..Well, of course; Lets talk tomorrow………Bye...Hmmm(loudly): Send him up Mary. He started looking at the sheets lying in front of him, turning it in an aggressive manner.

Adham started going upstairs in a confident pace till he reached the last step: Good evening, Mr. Raef.

Raef (still looking at his papers): I have heard about you from Mr. Raouf, he told me that you are an excellent writer, didn’t have the opportunity though to read everything, but from what I read was good, I have some remarks though.

Adham sat quietly: Like what?

Raef Lifted his eyes from the paper to see that Adham had already sat, he denounced the act: Do not write about this kind of human relationships in your stories; It has become somewhat boring; and the intelligent reader will sit in eternal boredom hoping for the end moment; that is if you are lucky and the reader ended the novel; readers nowadays are bored from talking about creation and the difference between luck and destiny, whether it is a choice or, or , or……..etc.; in addition to that, you will not be as successful as Luigi Luigi Pirandello in his play "six characters looking for the author", Anyways…..

Adham (interrupting): I'm not mocking my characters; nor using parody for the purpose of comparing my characters to each other, the characters that are full of satirical and sin that forces me to shape their road towards righteousness in the end, or at least add this road.

Raef surprised, mocking and enjoying: wow, you seem like a good scholar.

Adham: Why do you publish for Kazem Sharaf? Or accurately, why have you started publishing for him?

Raef surprised by the strange question; took a moment of silence: Because Mr. Kazem is a great and important writer; simply; his writings attracted my attention. Beside, the success his books gained nationwide……

Adham (interrupting): in my humble opinion; I think the chance is what made him a famous author but not important; the culture and the understanding of the readers diminishes day after day, hence, the "choices" the readers make afterwards in what kind of books they read is in their opinion, are choices resulting form awareness and understanding, thus generating profits to you and that is why I don’t think you chose as much as the moment allowed you to seize it!

Raef (astonished and in silence rage): What do you want to say?

Adham (simply and egoistically): The world of choices, luck and fate; is relative; which we haven’t penetrated deeply, in addition to that, some craft and a lot of feelings and meditation; perhaps we will reach the truth!

Raef took a moment of silence, looked at Adham's confident eyes then laughed intensely: I'm still not convinced, but I chose to become your publisher; meet me after tomorrow to discuss the publishing details.

Adham (Smile): I think that I will have a lot of fun.

*****

The Dr. Addressing the old man: Isn't it a shame, a man your age to start dancing? If it wasn’t for my appreciation for your son, you have been expelled immediately! Then he directed his words to words the old lady: and you ma'am, you have always ben a virtuous woman, this is the last alert to you both! You are dismissed!

The Dr. began shouting at the nurses while the old couple were on their way out, the old man closed the door quietly with a smile and women shedding tears.

The old man: Why are you crying my little one?

The women: I'm no longer a child; I can not put up with this talk; I never could throughout my life.

The old man: There is a wise saying: those who can not do, teach, and those who can't teach, supervise. Then he laughed out loud, the woman then smiled, the old man continued: what do you say my little one we go out for a walk? She nodded with approval and they went out.

On the lawn they sat and for the first time he noted that her skin is white; freckles appeared quickly and beautifully; the sun suddenly lightened her face as if her face had lid by itself, the sun went out leaving behind a beautiful smile

The old man: you know? I wish I keep the moment within me forever!
The women (smiling): how poetic!
The old man (smile): I'm not necessarily a poet; I'm just a good reader. Tell me about yourself.
The women: What you want to know?
The old man (A caring smile): anything and everything.

The women (irony and nostalgia): Nothing exciting can describe my life; after birth; my mother died of fever; My father was very strict; was a tradesman; in permanent search for any source of money even if it forced him to deal with the scum of the society; went to a catholic school ; Married at the age of sixteen to a tradesman like him; gave birth to three girls; he died; I grew old, joined the elderly house and there I am as you see, and you?

The old man: And what about love?

-- Silence --

The old man: And what about love my little one? Have you ever fallen in love?

The women: Yes. I have fallen in love before, I don’t know if you can call this love or not, he was a handsome man, I think he was a university student, she smiled and continued: he was tall, silky hair, and smokes the pipe, always sitting at his favorite table, I used to see him when I went out of school everyday, standing facing the café's front and watch him eagerly, I imagined he would kiss me ardently with all mankind possessed passion

The old man: And what happened after that?

-- Silence --

The women: Because the road from the cafe was longer than usual; my father began doubting my behaviors; hit me; and got me married! Tears ran across her lips

The old man (in Love): What do you say about me and you going to that cafe?

*****
Three months later, Raef's place

Raef's house is full of movement;, going back and forth, the maids and the wife put the last touch to celebrate the publishing of Adham's first Novel

The wife talking to a maid: so, how much time do you need to finish?
The maid: Ten more minutes ma'am
The wife: faster then!

Raef from the bedroom: help me with my tie!
The Wife: ok

In few minutes everyone started arriving, After several minutes; owners of some publishing houses, the staff, Kazem Sharf and Other writers

Raef standing with some owners of publishing houses; laughing with a loud voice: You know? The first time I saw him, he started taking about luck, choices and what is the difference between them…..etc.; what can you say? Youth! It does not matter now, the novel succeeded and that is what counts.

A publisher: I heard that gamble. Lets play with him and see how ho lucky his damn choices are.

Another publisher: by the way, where is he?

Raef: Hmmmm….Excuse me gentlemen. He went to the bedroom looking for his wife; slammed the door: Azza! Did he call? This bastard! When I organize something, it has to be perfect

Azza putting finishing her makeup: No, not yet.

Raef: You are all useless! Came out and closed the door in a violent manner!

Azza looked at the mirror for a moment, then proceeded with the makeup

*****

Raef closed the door, saying goodbye to the last group of attendees: Damn it! Never been embarrassed like this before, Me!! Me! Forced to apolige like that and finish the party before it has begun!!! Me!!

Azza: Don’t worry my dear, forget about him, perhaps he had some interrupting engagements!

Raef: Damn it ! Don’t interrupt me!

Azza: You have drunk too much, come one, lets…….(The door bell rang) Perhaps someone forget something. She opened the door, stood still for a second then laughter burst

Adham (in a theatrical performance): To attend or not to attend, that is the question, whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer from these damn choices, takes arms against sea of troubles, suffer from insomnia and sleep no more!

Raef: What are you doing here?
Azza: Raef!

Adham: I came to celebrate, before you interrupt me, I was playing in a bar.
Azza: playing?

Adham: Of course my dear, I play Saxophone, but this doesn’t matter now, the important thing is here and now!

Raef (exploding): You have the nerves to come here three hours later and intoxicated!

Adham: The important this is that I came, to tell you the truth; I wanted to celebrate only with my friends and you are my friends!

-- Silence --

Azza: come on in Adham, excuse me!
Adham: Wouldn’t you invite me for a drink my friend?
Raef: I think a drink wont harm; I need one myself as well.

They all sat and Azza started pouring some Whiskey; Raef took his drink and drank it one shot, Adham slowly stirred it with his finger, took a sip and looked at Azza with a smile: You look ravishing my dear like a girl in a Hitchcock movie.

.Azza (smile): But; most Hitchcock girls die in the end.

Adham (Addressing Raef): Why are you troubled?
Raef and and Azza: What?
Adham: It is well known; that many alcoholics; drink many glasses in one shot, then little by little throughout time, and of course, the classic thing about this is that they want to forget, though you drank this glass after a while in one shot, yet I do believe that there is something bothering you.

Azza (denouncing): But raef isn’t an alcoholic!
Adham (smile): But of course!

-- Silence --

Raef started laughing out loudly; his laughter lasted for several seconds; then suddenly.

Raef: I always despised the irony the blue-collars obtain, (Started laughing even louder): yet, this time, I'll exclude it

Adham (quite rage): of course that is an honor I don’t deserve, but it is a note that deserves admiration, as my dad was one of the collars, I still don’t know for myself, all what I know, is that I'm not going to be a white-collar, buy a painting, firstly, not original, secondly, it wont be the Claude Monet painting " the sunrise" which is higly recognized as the one shifting the art trend into the expressionist phase, especially if I don’t understand what it means!

Everyone suddenly stepped into silence; Raef and Adham staring at each other till Raef finally sighed!

Azza (Addressing Adham): Want another drink?

Adham: Thank darling; I will pour it myself; and play a tune as well; what do you want to listen to my friend?

Raef (cold): It does not matter….No…..I want to listen to Wagner

Azzat: Wagner! Now!

Adham: Dear Lord! What do you think of Edith Piaf?
Azza: Yes; lets listen to Piaf
Raef: As you wish!

Azza (Addressing Adham): What is your story with Saxophone?

Adham: I loved jazz since I was a little boy; At the beginning, I decided to learn Trumpet couldn’t because of my smoking habit so, I started learning Saxophone, formed a band, we play what so called the music of the lost generation

Azza: What do you mean by the lost generation?

Adham: The generation that is troubled by the tomorrow, surrounded by the economic problems, bad readers, especially for history, thus lost any sense of identity and got influenced by the Western style in music…….

Raef (interrupting): But there is still hope; they started using simple language; reflecting on life problems, lyrics are full of sarcasm

Adham (sigh): Exactly!

Azza: I know what means; but with all due respect; I do not like this kind of music
Adham and Raef: Me neither!

-- Silence --

Laughter then exploded

*****

On their way toward the cafe; the woman stood every once in a while pointing to some shops and buildings, saying: I remember this; and that; what happened? How much time passed by?

They reached the café, she approached the front glass in a speedy yet hesitant manner stood in front of the glass front and smiled, looked deeply through the front to see who is in there, she backed off slowly seeing herself at the age of sixteen, felt her face, and then looked at the old man in disappointment of everything. All what she hoped for is some moments of stillness and nostalgia, the street's smell was a mixture of dust diluted by rain drops after it has stopped, she couldn’t notice the smell while walking, yet when she suddenly stopped, the smell reached suffocation, she looked at the sky in search for some clouds, unfortunately, all what she saw is an ugly intense clouds mixed, she started hesitantly looking at all the scenes surrounding her, the front, the old man, the sky, the road to home.

The old man: What's wrong my little one?

The women: time has passed by very quickly

The Old man: even if time has passed, You know, erase from your memory, everything except the happy moments; as these moments are what make us continue this life.

The women: Maybe life needs some faith, maybe I'm not sure of many things in my life, yet what I'm sure of is that life is still beautiful even if it is melancholic in sometimes.

The old man grabbed her firmly but gently to his chest: There are several questions I ask myself; if I would die tomorrow; will I die happy? From there on, I do whatever it takes to live happily, lets live happily from now on my little one, they smiled at each other and left.

*****
Adham's place, after a week

The door bell rang, Adham opened to see Azza in front of him.

Adham: I knew you would eventually come (smile)
Azza: what makes you so sure?
Adham (smile): My inner feeling

Azza took off her coat, gave it to Adham and started looking around at all the corners of the room, the furniture was simple but antiquated, the room seems in some corners empty except from some tables, small items are arranged randomly yet intentional on it, things that used to wrap a child with, some paintings are hanged under simple illumination, photographs on some corners for people from the past, it seems like these small things that add some aspect of hope in his life. Azza stood in front of one of the paintings.

Azza (cynical): and do you know what this painting means?

Adham (passing her the drink): does it matter that I know what it means? The important thing is to feel it, in any case, this painting was done by Hassan Soliman in his water color phase, it expresses………

Azza (interrupting): I didn’t ask you about this, get used from now on to answer only the questions that are directed to you, besides, don’t show yourself off in your answers (smile)

Adham (shy): ok

Azza took the juice from Adham; took a simple look at the room and then sat down.

Adham (talking to himself): lets see what we can listen to (he looked at his discs while mumbling with incoherent tunes) Yes, I found it, Bossa Nova, lets listen to Tom Jobim. Adham took his glass then sat on his favoruite chair

Adham (smile): How are you?

Azza (ironic): fine. Adham; who are these people?

Adham: These images are the gateway from my life, her photographs and theirs, looking at them gives some sort of comfort, like a dream when you are awake, you wish it will last forever.

--Silence--

Adham: Azza….what do you think of playing a game? You ask and I answer, why play it? Why not? (smile)

Azza: you know Adham, you are a big child, and that is why people envy you and despise you at the same time, as being a child is what makes them envy, somehow they wish to become like you, wild and free, also you represent a challenge to all the well known customs they live in.

Adham: I think you're probably right; and for that I despise them all…I detest all the fake things we live in right now, the world that we live in right now became a circus, and it isn’t even funny! Everyone is artificial, everyone fakes a smile on their face, you go out of home because you can't survive your daily routine, go to the circus whichever it may be, you buy your happiness, feel some sort of joy, when the circus is over, you find a grim on your face and you go home, now there are two choices, either you take a moment of your time to restore your dreams that have ended, or continue down that road till your day has come, lets take your life with Raef as an example, it is a fake life with all the meaning that this word can express……..

Azza (interrupting): don’t let your vanity convince you with some sort of artificial intelligence that you don’t have! My life with Raef isn’t fake, Raef is the only one who sincerely felt me in a time when I need it, when my life was disturbed, I wanted to believe in a better tomorrow, I have now my little perfect life, of course there are aspects of our work that ridicules our life, yet since they are ridicules, they are trivial, in the end, I love my husband! and I love my life!

Adham: The eye sees what the mind wants to see.

Azza: you are rude and sitting with you is the absurdity itself!

Adham: I say this from a point that Raef is characterized as conceited, rude and funny, same as his father, yet his father was a genius and a mad sculptor, as a human being, he was unbearable, the only excuse to accept him with his moody attitude was by the fact that he was a genius, his son, Raef, didn’t inherit any of this, thus there is no excuse to accept him as a human being!

--Silence--

Azza: I'm leaving!
Adham: please don’t leave, your presence means a lot to me, lets change the subject.

-Silence-

Adham: Tell me a nice scene from your past.

Azza (Sigh): My grandma was a lady from the past times, she used to tell me, you can tell a lot about the man from just looking at his socks, A Gentleman and polite, An imposter gentleman and a vulgar or a tramp.

Adham: You know, every time I'm going to meet a guy, the first thing I'm going to do is to look at his socks (Smile)

Azza (Smile): Why do you write?
Adham: I write because I'm selfish, because I want people to feel me
Azza: the question is, do you feel yourself?

--Silence--

Adham: you know, sometimes, I feel like I'm heroine, the scene is magnificent when you see it falling from up above slowly, as if you are watching a scene in slow motion, you cant help but smile and sometimes laugh form the extreme joy that possess you, you take a deep, yet quick breath, and comes out the exhaled pleasure, lying in dormant, wanting to this feeling to last for eternity, however, the painful truth is that all of this is fake! When you start to feel pain, you wish you never inhaled it, even regret this inhale, now, you have to choices (smile), either continue with the repetitive misery or for powder seizes to exist!

Azza: so, it is the love of self-destruction that is what it's all about! You are pathetic. By the way, I didn’t understand your novel, the one about the guy and the woman!

Adham: did you feel it?

Azza: I think you are a gifted writer, why don’t you write about reality?

Adham: why write about reality? Reality is boring!

--Silence--

Adham: Azza, I know you know that I want you.

Azza: The problem still remains within me, you came in a time when everything was alright between me and Raef, I felt for very few people non superficial feelings, and I don’t know why you in particular? Even though you look like a circus clown, yet, I fell for you!

Adham (laugh): they all say that. Want another drink?

Azza: I never even took one

Adham: I'll pour one for myself. Adham went to his bar (addressing Azza) You know, ladies can never have enough attention, they always don’t mind it (laugh)

Azza: The problem is that you are naïve, don’t you know that I knew about the silly fights between you and Raef? Adham, I don’t like drinking too much, especially at this time of the day!

Adham (smile): Then don’t drink my dear, I drink to forget or forget, drink and remember!
Azza: I didn’t ask you!
Adham (Laughs): You have a point!

--Silence--

Adham: I still want you!
Azza (Sarcasm): didn’t you find another way to say it that could be less naïve?
Adham (Similar Sarcasm): Do you think I don’t know that it is naïve?
Azza: What if I said no?
Adham: You will loose a lot!
Azza: Ha Ha Ha…..why all the confidence?

--Silence--

Azza: Why are you looking at me this way? O you think ill submit in the end?
Adham: Yes. He caressed her lips as a sign of silence, their lips came closer, they closed their eyes and kissed.

*****
Raef's office, after a month

Raef gazing at the book set in front of him for a few minutes; smoking a cigarette, one after the other, looking from time to time at his lighter, lids it, the fire goes out, lids it again, gazes at the rest of the room and especially the books on the shelves.

Adham goes upstairs in a controlled speed, till he sees Raef sitting down at his desk: What is wrong with you? What happened? Why did you summon for me urgently?

Raef (staring at his cigarette): why do they claim that you are awful? You know, I never used to smoke, I always hated that feeling of being tiresome all the time, especially in exercising, more importantly, this feeling of addiction, yet, because of this damn cigarette, I became what I am today! I was standing in front of the bookshop waiting for a friend, all of a sudden; the great and famous publisher walked out and asked me if I had a cigarette and without thinking: of course I have one! I will get it from inside, then I went and bought a pack, we started talking, I told him a lot about who I am and my experience in the college newsletter,…..etc it ended, that with a cigarette, I became the owner of the biggest publish house. Of course, my dad was a great artist, I always wanted to be like him, I started sculpting, then painting and music, I failed miserably, till I found out that I'm good at human resources management, which is an art for the ungifted, the art of submitting the people to a comfortable choice of doing what you don’t want to do.

Adham: what's wrong with you?

Raef stood up and starting walking in the room: I think….I think I'm loosing Azza, I know that sometimes I'm unbearable human being, that is how all the human beings are, no matter how beautiful they are from the inside or the outside, there is something that makes life not easy to bare with, the question should always be, given this fact, can you still make it? The problem isn’t that she is seeing another man, the problem is that she will see the qualities that I don’t have in him, hence, she will get attracted to him, that is how human beings are, she will forget what I have and remember what I don’t have, that is the easy way out, because, in order to remember, she has to think and to think, she has to exert some effort, and as I said, sometimes, we take the easy way out!

Adham: I……

Raef (interrupting): Don’t speak, you are here to listen, I don’t want advice!

--Silence--

Raef: You know, I always liked exploring the depths of the human souls especially with those who open their heart to me, I learned by time that I'm not only gifted in understanding it completely, but also to love it, everyone seeks perfection ion whichever form it is, I don’t seek it, as a matter of fact, I hate perfection! I love the incomplete pieces of the puzzle as my imagination fuels my passion to look forward towards the end and that is what helps me stay alive, thee who doesn’t open their heart for me, I despise and resent them. I hope I was right about you. Now you may go my friend.

Adham gazed a bit at Raef: I hope I was a good listener ( stood up and walked towards the stairs)

Raef: Sometimes, silence is needed, it makes us understand better.

*****
Few months later, at the hospital

Almost dead, barren trees standing next to each other add a glimpse of silence, silence mixed with a quality not enough to radiate fear, nor little to gain respect, you look at this still beauty in silence. Adham stopped for some moments at the hospital's garden, finished his cigarette then sighed, crossed till the hospital's reception, spoke a bit with the nurse, then went off to the rare garden plaze, his father sits there on his chair quietly facing the hospital's main building, All what can Adham do now is to gaze at him.

Adham (slowly): Good morning
The father: why did you come?
Adham: I cam….to see you because we both went our ways long time ago
The Father: my son, to depart is to die a little.

-- Silence--

The father: I did not chose this life that I have been through; or perhaps I chose it; you decided that we depart; for reasons I do not wish to know. You chose and decided, as well to take up parts of my life in your stories and thoughts; initially I felt the depart from you growing day after day, till the situation saturated at a point where not only, I don’t care about the reasons, but also, it isn’t my concern anymore. I just want to spend the rest of my life in peace

Adham: I did not chose anything! What about the choices that we have nothing to do with it? Whether these choices are ones of a higher force or bad luck, it doesn’t matter, the important thing, what about these choices? A tragic accident where your loved one dies, the reason, a drunk driver lost control, the barman gave him extra dose so that the drunken driver drinks back and forth, the barman wanted by that to get an extra tip, the barman's wife is demanding and the living expenses don’t have mercy on anyone….so, who's fault is to blame? You? The choices? And which choices? The drunken driver with the good mood? The barman who submitted to his wife's demands? Or the miserable life we reside in? or the supreme power? The power the drew our path before we took it?

The father: I think in this case we should blame your mother!! As she was the one who taught you how to speak in such trivial words personifying yourself in an ape's body, showing off with his bananas in front of his damn friends whenever he gets the chance to catch one. Unfortunately, you will remain immature!

-- Silence --

The father (rage): Why did you come? Are you seeking redemption and salvation? Or you wanted to prove for yourself that what you write might change the reality making your pathetic life more beautiful? Kindly notice that what you write is pure imagination, the truth is here, in this life! No matter what you do, you wont change anything, move on your road my son.

Adham looked away from his father's eyes, stayed like this for several moments, waved away, turned around and left the place.

*****
Adham's place, before day one

Adham opened the window, looking at the street and the passers by, sighed, turned around walked towards his desk, held his pencil, started writing some words with formulation of a certain sentence, then started speaking to himself.

To what extent insanity impacted you? I mean your father and your grandfather were diagnosed insane. You know that the only right presence is the human existence, everything that is out of it, isn’t from you or yours, everything that is truly yours is with you, nothing can truly give or divest anything from you……No...No…I think something should not be said, I don’t know.

A small green creature flew in and stood on Adham's desk, Adham looked at it in admiration, tried to touch it then it flew away!

*****
The End

2008-08-16T14:53:00.000+03:00

Elegy (In English)

2008-07-31T22:40:00.000+03:00

To: Alexandra
31-7-2008

once there was,
a fresh brewed coffee
served in a cafe
with a little tune being played
and a smell of watered leafs

What can one do,
to capture that feeling
of moments that are gone?

A small note that says,
I want you to hold me
Lying in the bed that evening
Whispering, I'll miss you,
And a clear morning afterwards

What can one do,
To capture that feeling
Of moments that are gone?

Time cant be revered
Or the past to be relived
We would have to somehow, meet again

A sentimental story

2008-07-22T03:49:00.000+03:00

22-7-2008
To: HIM and HER

A shooting star
in a night melted in clouds
We walk along the old avenue
On the top of the plateau
A wine amphora in the next morning
Half full, half empty
The Sun rises
We smile

The Grey Butterfly

2008-06-27T20:28:00.000+03:00

27\6\2008
To: Alexandra

Grey-colored butterfly flying
In small circles around the coinciding trees
The sky shed drops of water in slow motion
that hang from the leaves
To water the flowers
I calmly walk bare feet
I see the seven colors of the sky
Flying in front of me in space
It's these moments that they coexisted through me
That love life, that wont be divested from me

The moon in the middle of the sky

2008-06-26T04:49:00.001+03:00

26-6-2008
To: Alexandra

My Marsh will be played in Heaven
With all who dreamt and couldn’t achieve
Ill laugh my last laughs, here, before I leave
Ill live in the legend that I have created
To be able to finally smile
Applaud my friends, the comedy is over

The Surrealist Narcissus (In English)

2008-06-25T12:56:00.000+03:00

26-5-2008

To: Alexandra

Half an hour passed,
Still enduring what I inherited,
Emoting our perpetual love,
While standing down the road
I still remember

The dream of having a full eye still remains
Words seem so feeble,
Volatilize as I speak,
Smolder as I think,
I still remember

A strong we comes from a strong I,
An improbable thought
that I didn’t understand till now,
When I saw the lightness in her eye
I still remember

Afraid of yourself to let go,
What could be more joyful in our life,
than our childhood to play with?
The simple love of life

Sometimes,
You need to close your eyes and see,
that half an hour lasts for 30 minutes

Green Valley ( In English)

2008-06-25T12:54:00.003+03:00

23-5-2008

To: Alexandra

Devouring thought I'm in search for,
In endless coil, im floating on,
Can still feel it in my spine
Aching, Asking

Roses blossom somewhere in the park
In a never ending picture of the spring
Shaking as the wind moves,
Steady, steady, I said

A pang
Hitting from up above or down below
Was it right?
Wouldn’t say was wrong either,

A young girl running in the field with her mother

2008-06-25T12:54:00.001+03:00

23-5-2008
To Alexandra

The radiated light that you see,
is the nurse's white gown.

Half her face is lit;
the half facing the window.

You sit in silence;
Like roses aside the railroad
A moment passed; perhaps several ones
And the silence is still mute

That day my little one, ( in English)

2008-06-25T12:47:00.000+03:00

19/5/2008

To: Alexandra

The clocks started to stop ticking
For just a second that soon to fade away
The permanence of the thought still remain
Our ephemeral joy is to be lived even longer
As Imminence love is yet to come

Lying on the grass, remember that day?
It was just a sunny Monday
Rays passing by through the melancholic clouds
Flashing all around your face
Caressing your freckles
I touch your cheeks in a gentle gesture
Your laughter swirls from within afterwards
And it is just getting better all the time

Tease you is what I am doing
Childish looks is what I search for
And laughter onwards from our deep core

Diluted emotions in this lightness of just being
Just floating all around and around
Covering our faces as the light is still crossing the sky
Touching your luscious lips as time goes by

I'm not promising anything
Just adorable paean we shall live in
Sensation of that feeling, that day,
Is what should be described in that way
Complete zeal is the theme of our day

Barefoot inside the palace

2008-06-25T12:46:00.000+03:00

8-5-2008
To: A G

When my dreams become my nightmares
What I dream of doing is what can be my major sin
My desire is what prompts me to do anything
But is it really in my fate to do this anything?
Does it really matter what I do?

I'm no longer afraid
Perhaps through me I still am afraid
Yet I drew the courage on my face
My soul has become alienating from submission and adhesion
Looking around and no one in sight
Are they really following me?
Or am I following my own footsteps?
Am i really dieing?

The Black Nail Polish or the Blue Demon (In English)

2008-06-25T12:45:00.000+03:00

8-5-2008

To: Alexandra Grigorosoaea

Covered with Mist, seeking light in her blue eyes and I shall get none as darkness is what haunts me in the eternal mystic life im residing in.

The though of serendipity still remains, Lips Caressing endearingly , In a melancholic scaly Gibbous night, as Thou shall look upon me with contemn and disdain leaving me endless dismay

The Human existence

2008-06-25T12:44:00.000+03:00

11-4-2008

To: Monica

Light is what scares me
what I see in my way
is what I cant change
Light is the last thing I saw before dying

The Girl with Blue eyes

2008-06-25T12:43:00.000+03:00

11-4-2008

To: Alexandra Grigorosoaea

Sitting with false pride
In the floating boat by the swamp
The Queen looked at the fog

The trees are tilted towards the water
The fog covering water with its off-white color
Her blue dress lightening the leaves

She still dreams
As imagination is what keeps us alive

Restless minds

2008-06-25T12:40:00.000+03:00

16/3/2008

To: Alexandra Grigorosoaea

He got out a cigarette from its golden box, made sure to tap it twice, kindled then inhaled slowly

: As human beings; You have instincts which for now and for the purpose of the commencement of the theory; we will identify them as good and bad instincts; often; apparently at least; beings show chastity and virtue, and control the instincts which are known as the good such as hunger, thirst and gain the desirability of everyone; on the other hand, the instincts known as the bad ones such as sex, murder and hatred; you detest it by all means; always seeking sanctuary; maybe religion or perhaps a group of individuals like you seeking refuge and collectively show the despise towards human beings outside the group; This trend was identified by Oscar Wilde as virtue; and forget that you are a human being, whether you want it or not, the instinct must be fed, you may kill a cockroach and forget it once you are done with the cleaning, but you should know well; You killed

: Who are you?

: When you know that I do what I do hiding from sight in order to live; afraid of their knowledge of the truth; that when you know it; I mean the truth; whole truth; Only then; you will realize, that I'm just a Human being!

-- Silence --

: Let us take a short break

interrupting: What is the favorite dance? I, personally, like waltz; the glowing image of the people dressing elegantly in their ancient and old celebration the spirit of happiness is immense in me; or so I imagine when I see the celebration scene in a movie like Leopard

: What are you doing when you are lonely?

': Lonely? Loneliness is the real inevitable thing; such as death; or perhaps it is another kind of death; but at least I still am alive and therefore; I read; reading helps me sympathize with the people who will not sympathize with me

: have you fallen in love?

: I loved this child; I knew it was impossible to establish any relationship between us; he was a beautiful boy; tall with silky hair, he had the beauty of a Greek goddess; dealing with their mythology instill fear in everybody's soul; looking directly into their eyes is punishable by death ; gaze, but do not wonder; wonder but not admire; admire but don't not love; only a few, who were permanently challenging; climbing up the top of Mount Olympus, as soon as they reach it; even die; Ultimately; it is that kind of beauty that kills!

: Then, what is the end?

The End

Who is Amal?

2008-06-25T12:38:00.000+03:00

11-4-2008

To: Monica Costea and Alexandra Grigorosoaea

The absolute hatred blinded him from the taste of freedom; psychological violence which accompanied him whenever proceeded to writing a new story; the case of living love whenever he played classical music; the dream of Permanent genius; the bitter reality that accompanies the inevitable meditation age; the attempt to answer the absurd questions; the case of the intellectual death

His father called him Amal on the name of the poet Amal Denkul; as his father was fond of poetry and classical music

Amal stood in front of the mirror; admiring his twinkling and elegant suit as his usual daily habit whether was it summer or the winter season; listening to the overture of Wagner's opera Lohengrin; putting on his handkerchief then his hat; the hat must be tilted forward slightly; lifting the gramophone needle; smiling, then disembarked

Place: at Amal's
Amal and his girlfriend are sitting; she on the couch and him on his favorite chair

The girl: What's wrong with you?
Amal: nothing!

-- Silence --

: Don’t you agree with me that the era of land slavery has returned again?
: What do you mean?
: That in the recent past the individual used to work for a certain number of hours and receive a certain output ; Now; working double and obtain the same output!
: Maybe
: It is the fear; the fear of the unknown is what will remain the only motivation for this human life, and this miserable senseless human life can be noticed for most people; these unfortunate submitted characters or perhaps mad, yet in silence! Look at these subjects passing by in the street; you will not find anyone smiling, everybody has a sad face on!

-- Silence --

: What do you intend to do?

Smiling in the bitterness: What i do and what I intend to do is always my belief that it could not be done; my success or failure, that is another matter; I reached a point that I do not seeks success it is just that I don’t want to fail anymore. The worst thing is the submission to my mental illness to be referred to by some as a wise man!

: But you are wise! You can look at people's eyes and know what is lying underneath

: There are four types of eyes; mischievous eyes that will penetrate you and see you naked and fantasize about you, Kind eyes, maybe naive that sees the kindness in you, foolish eyes that sees what you want them to see and playful eyes that does not necessarily permit you to see the reality of its own, so, which eyes do you want to own?

: I want happy eyes

: What is happiness? Is it in obtaining money or achieving what cant be achieved? Or is the status of the illusion that we can continue to live in life?

: Perhaps; and possibly also is not thinking of everything all the time, sometimes, the sense of illusion becomes a reality! And perhaps happiness is when you look at the child whom you see smiling and you just smile!

: When I was a child; I dreamt that I owe a children toys factory; my father was permanently refusing to buy me any toys.

: Amal! This is rotting the food for the soul; it is better to read this book or listen to this piece of music; then he turns on the gramophone and puts the Fifth Symphony of Mahler saying: listen!!! This piece is the puny spirit flying in our skies; it is the dark eyes, which refuses to see the truth; the truth that you must continuously seek and enlighten the souls to its way, let that be your duty as long as you shall live. And I'm burning up with the bitter search for liberation; let that be any kind of liberation, flying in a world where everything possible; at the beginning, my globe was children's toys and then become a world of fantastic mythology and heroic stories then sexual world with oppressed desires which sometimes can not be tamed and with all this, there is always the dream of liberation.

: I am always dreaming of liberation and I want to live even if it was just an illusion; I remember that day as if it were yesterday; I went to the psychiatrist when my parents got divorced; when I knew about it; I spoke not a single word that has a meaning; we were sitting in the living room; all of us on a their own private chair and started drinking madly; I asked foolish questions and foolish answers I got. I experienced a situation of sudden stillness for few days then woke up that day can not breathe; went to the psychiatrist and embarked on telling my story, the fear of the unknown surrounded me; sat gazing at the beauty of the room that resembled a golden cage.

The psychiatrist: What seems to be your problem?

: I do not know! After that, I just started telling the story of Alice in Wonderland, when I was fourteen; I escaped from the home; hmm! No! i Never did flee; I always loved home and my parents….

And now, no matter matured I turned to be; my childhood memories will continuously haunt me, perhaps I will get married and give birth to three children as I wished and possibly my husband will cheat on me like my father did to my mother and but.... ill forgive him, ill forgive him because ill love him.....

: don't cry my little one; don't cry please! I strongly want to make love to you!

: I think the sad figures are violently attracted to each other.

He touched her Lips with his fingers; looked into her eyes and kissed her; carrying her to his room and lied on his bed and exercised the act of love

Amal stood in front of the mirror; admiring his twinkling and elegant suit as his usual daily habit whether was it summer or the winter season; listening to the overture of Wagner's opera Lohengrin; putting on his handkerchief then his hat; the hat must be tilted forward slightly; lifting the gramophone needle; then disembarked

Amal stood before the river

: I may understand the deep desire of the human beings for the need for creation; thus achieving perfection and defying God; but I will not understand the desire of human beings in destruction; destroying anything and everything beautiful they ever had or even seeing it, owning it then destroying it! She is a beautiful girl and I am devastated; love offset love and destruction offset of mass destruction; then threw himself in the river.

Tonight we celebrate

2008-06-25T12:37:00.000+03:00

To: Nadja

25-2-2008

A small Boat floating by the shore of the lake,
In a dark night with one lightning star,
An Old fisherman standing with his wrecked fishnet
Having an eccentric look at it,
Throwing his fishnet towards it,
Which doesn’t reach

The end or the beginning

2008-06-25T12:34:00.000+03:00

To: Tamer Zikry

31/1/2008

The clock ticked exactly at 10
Nothing has changed since the morning
The birds are still flying
And flowers bowing where the sun rays are
I looked from my room window
And stayed quite still
Looking at the horizon,
Is my destiny going to be like the travelers around the world?
Traveling from one side to the other seeking the end
Maybe I will not reach the end
Maybe I have to look for the beginning

After Tomorrow

2008-06-25T12:32:00.000+03:00

To: Sami Daoud

30-1-2008

Bowing my head in shame
Wondering with no purpose for infinity
Sins were written on me
Holding the flags of hope
To restore my lost soul,
I see people crucified

A man: The end has come

: What are you doing?

A man: and what are we supposed to do

Another man: You passer by, tell them, tell them that we will defy death

A third man: let them torture us, let them crucify us

A fourth man: Be hold my friends, our end has come tomorrow, let them hang each and every piece of our bodies on the city gates, but we will not die,

We will not die tomorrow; our souls will become their bitter drink,
Skies up above, let your birds fly to them carrying our smiles,
We will become a fairy tale in children's stories

Our dreams will live forever
Our dreams will live forever

Tomorrow we die and after tomorrow our dreams will come true

The Existence

2008-06-25T12:29:00.000+03:00

To: Alia

8/1/2008

I'm gone.
Leaving behind all what I dreamt of
Don’t search for me as you wont find me,
I wish I can wake up from long night sleep
Looking up the sky,
Seeing flying birds,
In melancholic nights,
Im afraid and cant speak

The Dreams

2008-06-25T12:27:00.000+03:00

To: Sami Daoud

1/9/2007

I was terrified from that feeling,

I killed them,

Without a tear shed,

I looked in their wide eyes,

With complete apathy,

Then I cried

The man with the velvet gown

2008-06-25T12:21:00.000+03:00

21/8/2007

To: Faten

Sitting in wide room at the corner
leaning on the wall
with a silent face on,
gazing at the nothing
The door knocks

Coinciding thoughts

2008-06-25T12:19:00.000+03:00

3/8/2007

To: You

Have you seen it?

How did it feel?

What have you done about it?

Didn’t it occur on your mind?

Look around you

In someone's memory

2008-06-25T12:17:00.001+03:00

15/7/2007

To: Laura

When I die,
When they stand in front of my tomb,
All what I hope for,
Is to be in someone's memory

The girl with the green Eyes

2008-06-25T12:13:00.000+03:00

13/6/2007

To: Gabriela

On the angels velvet wings
He lied meditating
flying high above
In the infinite space
Where eternal silence
Far and high trees
Seem short
And he still flies

When he remembered Djamila

2008-06-25T12:10:00.000+03:00

To: Gabriela

25/5/2007

He closed his eyes,
And saw flashing lights,
He opened his eyes and was standing by himself in the desert,
Listening to the great silence,
Looking at the far Horizon,
Where the castles were,
When he sat amongst people he knew,
Laughing and he smiles,
Crying and he shows sadness,
When life was just for living,

To you

2008-06-24T00:44:00.001+03:00

24/2/2007

To: Gabriela

Stay away
Look up above
To see the aspirations realized
Be who you are
It doesn’t matter whether you die or not
Sentiments will Escalate high above
And you look to smile
Only then you would feel peace

Finale of an evening of no one's life

2008-06-24T00:41:00.000+03:00

To: Sami Daoud

24/2/2007

Don’t put on your glasses
So as not to see the pity in their eyes
You are broken
And the illusion of the defeat will haunt you
Live in your inner world
Flying far away
Were there obsolete streets and dilapidated buildings are,
Continue your endless smile,
Look at the top, the bottom and around you

The Now

2008-06-24T00:38:00.000+03:00

To: Sami Daoud

31/8/2006

It is the now,
When the demons were dancing,
Behind the silhouette

It is the now,
When the man stood in front of the mirror
It is the man smiling to the demon

Do you love Brahms?

2008-06-24T00:34:00.000+03:00

8/8/2006

3 AM

To: Nadia

He looked at the street,
from his window,
It was raining,
He cant see it now,
He touched his face
His eyes were tearing

The colors, Part 2

2008-06-24T00:33:00.000+03:00

To: Nadia
8-8-2006

The seven colors,

The colors of the rainbow,

At the dawn of the day,

A child looks at it,

Smiles,

It disappears

A bulb light fading

2008-06-24T00:31:00.000+03:00

To: Alia

29/7/2006

Look at the corridor from a different view,
View of a person lying on the floor,
The end is far away,
The width is not wide
The ceiling has no ending
The floor is accurately carved
And the lying person crawling slowly

It is today and yesterday

It is tomorrow till the end

The Time

2008-06-24T00:30:00.001+03:00

29-7-2006
To: Rageh Daoud

A set of ancient books
with no value
Chair that was sat on by someone
A piece of white cloth
wore by a small child
Some of memories of a time
The were his favorite

it is just
another day

The 7th day

2008-06-24T00:28:00.000+03:00

To: Sami Daoud

29/7/2006

It is the 7^th day,
The last day,
The day you stood before the sea,
Holding yourself together,
The sand feels soft beneath your feet,

It is the 7^th day,
The day that you will finally know,
Who you are

Stillness

2008-06-24T00:25:00.000+03:00

17-7-2006

To: Alia

It is a silent moment
It is a few words,

Like flying autumn leafs
It is almost fading feelings
It is a girl with a round face
It is a beautiful day

Life

2008-06-24T00:24:00.002+03:00

17-7-2006

To: Alia

Have you ever seen an obsolete tree?
In a narrow street standing

Have you ever seen an old man holding his stick?
Walking slowly, steadily

Have you ever seen the pictures from the exhibition?
It is the blue color that gives life

The Eternity

2008-06-24T00:24:00.001+03:00

To: Nadia
28/5/2006

Its hope that brings faith,

Its faith that brings love,

Its love that brings eternity

Nature

2008-06-24T00:23:00.001+03:00

To: Alia
7/3/2006

A naked lying body,
As coming to life,
As god sins it,
As Human beings desire,
As it used to live in the past,
As it is, never and never will change

The Two-Faced Mirror

2008-06-24T00:18:00.002+03:00

To: Alia

9-1-2006

When one dies
when you don't grieve
despite their proximity to you

When one is born
when you are happy for their birthday
because of their proximity to you

Now you'll see the truth

Love letter

2008-06-24T00:18:00.001+03:00

17-12-2005
To: Alia

I do not know how to begin my words!!! Characters Volatilize from my Lips like benzene when mixed with ashes that smolder and explode all the words to endure a state of dormancy that shuts my mouth.

The honored silence

2008-06-24T00:17:00.001+03:00

To: Sami Daoud

9-12-2005

Take a minute from your time,
Look at what has happened and what is coming next,
To know that you are unstable,
You are haunted by what you have inherited,
You don’t realize that till now,
When you took a minute from your time

The Rise

2008-06-24T00:16:00.001+03:00

9-12-2005
To: Faten

Hit by a car
recovered some of the moments of his life in a second
Saw the car approaching slow in slow motion

Perhaps,
He died

1-5-2003

2008-06-24T00:13:00.000+03:00

To Faten

10/10/2005

Group of pictures
Dating years ago,
You look at them to know how much time has passed by,
To know that you are alone,
And for the first time, you shed a tear without noticing,
For the rest of your life,
And maybe you will sleep,
In quietness

Prelude in the afternoon of no one

2008-06-24T00:08:00.000+03:00

To: no one

3/9/2005

A tall guy,
Wearing a fancy suit,
Standing behind a podium,
In a big hall,
With a high ceiling,
Giving his speech,
And no one is there

The Ideal contradiction

2008-06-24T00:03:00.000+03:00

1-9-2005

To: Faten

Closing their eyes to kiss
From embarrassment or pleasure
Stealing to get rich or to eat
Painting to decorate or for expression
Demonstrating when they get hit
Clapping while winning in violent sports
Decorating streets while celebration
Leaving others to clean after them
Living to enjoy
Because life comes once

The Attachment

2008-06-24T00:01:00.000+03:00

To: Sami Daoud

1/9/2005

A kid playing with its toy,
Another sleeping on its favorite bed

A guy sitting on a chair,
Another walking in the street,

A woman looking at the mirror,
Another looking at collection of photos

An old man walking in the garden,
Another owning a barber shop

In a small or a metropolis
Days passing by,
And their lives will end,
Probably in Peace

Beyond Nature

2008-06-24T00:00:00.000+03:00

24/8/2005

To: Faten

Surrounded by barren mountains
A Lake radiating green light
And tall trees with red leafs
The sound of light bumping slowly into the water,
A group of white geese floating
A passer by abandoned it

Appasionata

2008-06-23T23:58:00.000+03:00

24/8/2005
To: Faten

Red, Yellow and Barren trees,
Fresh, sweet, salty and bitter water
Long and short columns
Sun in the midday and another in midnight
Ice over the mountains
And sand under it
Vision from up above or from down below or from another era
And everything has, and will remain, as it is

The dream

2008-06-23T23:56:00.000+03:00

9/6/2005

To: Faten

Standing high at the top of Mountain
Wearing loose cloths
Her Black hair flying with the wind ..................

The white snow falling around her ....................
Her hand risen to the highest ...................
Her eyes are shut,
And fly towards the sun

Me and the other

2008-06-23T23:53:00.000+03:00

8-6-2005

To: Faten

I speak now to a brain that is absurd! Suffered from the media, what is the benefit then of resorting to the logic?

In the past, it was possible that an individual struggling to disseminate the view of the other, now struggling to suppress it.

What is the use of dialogue as long as the end result is known? Rejection and rejection from the other

Were men created virtuous, or decadent?

All of this does not matter, what matters is fear, fear of the unknown and fear of the other which will remain the source of human life dealings

The Girl with the black eyes

2008-06-23T23:36:00.000+03:00

To: Faten

9-5-2005

A squared de illuminated room,
Having four painting hanged

One for Virgin Marry as sculpted by Michael Angelo,
One for the che,
One for Don Quixote fighting the windmills,
And the last one for someone close,

A guy sits at the end of the bed,
Looking at them in weak meditation,
Is about to say something

And cant hear his voice

The white sun

2008-06-23T23:35:00.000+03:00

To: Faten

19/4/2005

A broken face,
On a remaining of a shattered mirror,
Foot prints on wet sands,
The sound of a sea in a sea shell,

A man standing raising his head high above,
Between high mountains,
He looks up for the sun,
That is covered by the clouds,

Meditating, Hoping,

Rain falls,

That wipes him

The Total Collapse

2008-06-23T23:34:00.001+03:00

3-1-2005

To: Faten

On a large hill ....
a castle far away ...
with a red arched door
Inhabited by animals; with sharp claws
and a man down the hill ...
Looking at the top;
Raising his hand with long nails;
Opening his mouth to say something
he says nothing, his hand goes down
And sits there;
at the bottom of the hill

The colors

2008-06-23T23:29:00.001+03:00

3-1-2005

To: Faten

Circles in all colors of the rainbow
floating in the vacuum
a man wearing a suit

Half is white, Half is black
Flying there... ..
His hand is extended... ..
His fingers trying to hold onto the circles
He cant, and falls

Infinity

2008-06-23T23:18:00.000+03:00

2-1-2005

To: Human beings

Dark in the daytime
clouds cover the sun
the convoy move in the desert
In an endless road
to a mirage with no beginning
hoping for water
it moves and moves
An eagle flies by
To see it, standing; attached to the land

A Glimpse

2008-06-23T23:17:00.000+03:00

To: Faten

13/12/2004

An old lady,
Sitting at the corner of the narrow street,
Lonely with no facial expression,
And snow is all over her,
That covers her till her face,
That froze to death,

And dies,
With her old ragged cloths,
And people are passing by,

And she,
Will remain the same

Dusk till Dawn (In English)

2008-06-23T23:15:00.000+03:00

20^th September 2004

To Faten

The sun is shining
On the profile of my beloved
Her hair goes through her mouth
Which smiles to my face
The day passes by till dawn

On the grass we sat
Watching happy people passing by
She looked into my eyes to see
Purity and vanity
Purity of love
Vanity of the victorious unification

From dusk till dawn
Love goes on and on

Melodrama

2008-06-23T23:10:00.000+03:00

15-8-2004

A man in a white cloth
Sitting in a black coffin
Silent, quiet, Depressed
The coffin lifted from the ground
Moved by some people
Dressed in black, silent
Sliding the coffin of their hands
To settle in its pit
And his grave is covered,
Were he remains laid forever